


A Shoulder to Cry on

by Miasanmuller



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Party, Dinosaurs and reindeers, Heartbreak, Inspired by Music, M/M, Wham!, almost everyone is gay, kind of christmas fluff, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:32:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miasanmuller/pseuds/Miasanmuller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time, and Christoph finds himself stuck in a Christmas party at Lukas and Basti's. While everyone is drinking, dancing, chatting and having fun, only one thought crosses his mind: Manu is there. How can he have fun when he knows that the man who broke this heart is also there, with a new love? How can he move on? </p><p>To be honest, he doesn't even know if he wants to move on...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Shoulder to Cry on

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks! :D I was inspired by the Christmas' spirit to write this thing, so here I am.
> 
> You guys should note that English is not my first language (and tbh this is the first fic I write in English, oh God), so this is probably full of errors every here and then. I hope that, despite them, you all enjoy this fic :) (And I hope you also forgive me for butchering the language omg)
> 
> It was inspired by "Last Christmas" by Wham!.

_“Last Christmas I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day you gave it away_

_This year, to save me from tears_

_I’ll give it to someone special”_

The snow was falling gently, slowly covering the ground with a thin layer of white. Soon enough, it’d start to get difficult to walk without slipping. The wind was blowing coldly through the streets, driving out of them almost anyone who decided to go uncovered for a walk. The night was almost falling, and the lights scattered through the houses were starting to glow brightly. Soon enough, the sky would be completely black, and the true Christmas lights festival would begin. The beauty of that moment was reflected in the faces of the few brave individuals who decided to defy the cold, and almost every single person who was walking through the streets was carrying a bright smile in their face. Almost.

There was that one guy who wasn’t smiling at all. Truth be told, he was barely paying attention to the lights hanging in every window, every roof, every porch. He was just walking quickly, with his head hung low, his hands inside his pockets and a look of absolute apathy painted on his pale face. He had just left a crowded shop, where he was finishing his last shift of the week, the stress that work provided still running through his veins. _I need to rest_ , he thought as he started to walk faster. _Maybe I should go home, put some record on, drink some wine and go to sleep early._ But he knew he couldn’t. He had something else to do. He let go a deep sigh just to think about that.

Soon enough, he found himself walking through a beautiful garden covered in snow and fully decorated with the most diverse Christmas things. There were reindeers, snowmen, elves and even a little teddy bear village with uncountable houses. It took him a while to cross the long path that led to the front door, where a giant garland was hanging with the saying _Merry Christmas – From Basti and Luki!_ Still considering turning his back to the big house in front of him and walking away, he gently put a knock on the door, hoping that no one would answer him. The door opened almost immediately.

“Christoph!” Greeted him an overly excited Bastian Schweinsteiger, who was wearing a reindeer sweater under an apron decorated with pink bright hearts and a Santa hat which was way too big for his head. “You’re early! We were only expecting you at nine.”

“Hm my shift ended earlier so…” He mumbled. _I had nothing better to do_ would be a more sincere answer, but he decided it wasn’t a good idea to say that out loud.

“Oh, no problem. Come on inside, you’re gonna freeze out there!” He entered the entrance hall timidly, and, right after Bastian closed the door, he pulled him closer to give him a warm and suffocating hug. “Merry Christmas, Chris! Ha! How funny it is to say this out loud. Oh, did you bring anything with you?”

“Bring… Hm, what? Sh-Should I?” He babbled, feeling his cheeks turning red and a strange wave of anxiety pulsing through his veins.

After seeing his guest’s expression, Basti started to laugh.

“Of course not, I’m kidding.” _Oh. Of course he was_ , Christoph thought. He tried to disguise a subtle feel of annoyance, but the house owner didn’t seem to notice it. _Why is everybody always making fun of me?_ “Well, You were the first to arrive, so... I’m afraid there’s nothing interesting to do or anyone to talk at all, unless you want to have a conversation with Louis. If that’s the case, he’s upstairs. I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

“He can help me hang the mistletoes” Said a deep voice right behind him. Out of nowhere, a man dressed in a reindeer costume entered the room, with what was supposed to be the costume’s head under his right arm. Lukas Podolski smiled brightly to him. “I want to see everyone making out in the living room. It’s gonna be glorious!”

With nothing else to do, Christoph started to aid Lukas, but his mind was far, far away from there. _It’s gonna be today._ He was starting to feel the butterflies in his stomach. _I’m gonna see him again._ It was almost a month since the last time he saw Manu, but the memories of the last time were still lingering in his mind, along all of the pain he now associated with his ex-lover. At some point, Lukas left him alone and disappeared through the living room’s door. While he was putting up the last mistletoe, Christoph started to overhear the couple’s conversation in the kitchen.

“Why did you invite him, anyway? He doesn’t even know most of our friends.” He could hear Lukas saying.

“He had nowhere else to go and he is _my_ friend, I couldn’t leave him alone for Christmas!” Basti answered as if that was the most obvious thing ever. Christoph felt his stomach dropping and a strong urge to leave that damn mistletoe on the floor and go away. However, he stood still, still paying attention to the conversation.

“Okay but… Manu will be here. With Benni. You know that, right?”

“Oh come on Lukas, it’s been a year since they broke up. He’s surely over him. Furthermore, this house will be as crowded as the Christmas market, they will probably not even see each other. Relax, honey”

 _Benni. Benni. So Manu has already moved on._ Christoph felt a wave of sadness hitting him, even though he knew he shouldn’t feel that. _Of course he did. Any normal person would have moved on after a freaking year. You’re the only one who’s still ruminating the break-up._ Again, he felt as if he shouldn’t be there, as if he should just pick his coat and go away. It would be better to curl up under the safety of his blankets and copiously cry until he fell asleep. _Why am I even here?_

But he didn’t went away. There was a part of him – and he was really, really ashamed to admit that – that still wanted to see Manu. To look into his deep, frozen blue eyes. This part of him wanted to approach his ex-lover and ask him the same things he kept on asking himself day after day for the past twelve months. It also wanted to yell terrible things at his face, wanted to push him, to kick him, to hurt him in the worst ways possible. But this part of him was too weak. Too shy. It was incapable of rising above. And there was this other part of him, which only wanted to cry. Cry, cry, and cry. Cry until snow started to swirl from his eyes. Cry until there wasn’t a single sorry tear left.

Before he could notice, it were nine o’clock, and everybody started to arrive. He found himself surrounded by strangers, having to, very often, smile at someone he couldn’t care less, say “Merry Christmas!” with a faked happiness to someone he had no idea who was. Every now and then he spotted a known face in the middle of the crowd. Mario was there, together with his fiancé, a blond guy with a weird smile called Marco. Thomas, one of the few people there he could genuinely say that he liked, was there too, with his lifelong boyfriend, Miroslav. The two of them didn’t look that happy, though. But Manu was nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath. _Maybe I’ll make it through the night without seeing him at all._

*** 

_“Once bitten and twice shy_

_I keep my distance but you still catch my eye_

_Tell me baby, do you recognize me?_

_Well, it’s been a year_

_It doesn’t surprise me”_

 

“Well, we are planning to spend New Year’s Eve in Paris. I heard it’s terrific, and I want to see everything there is to see.” Mario said with a far-fetched smile in his mouth while he was unnecessarily touching his lover’s shoulder and constantly glaring at him like he was afraid that he might run away. “Right, Marco?” 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s gonna be _great_ ” He answered forcing a smile, but his eyes were saying something like _Please take me away from him._

“And you Christoph… What are you planning to do?” Mario asked, throwing a cold glance at him.

“I… Hm…” _He knows I’m gonna stay at home. Why is he doing this to me?_ He felt as if people around him felt this strange need to constantly remember him of the failure that his life had become. Luckily enough, he didn’t need to think of a better answer: Lukas showed up, still dressed in his reindeer costume, with a tray full of little red mugs on it in his hands.

“Do you guys want some hot chocolate? Basti just made it!” He said happily, literally shoving the tray in front of their faces. Even though he wasn’t in the mood for hot chocolate, Christoph thought it wasn’t a good idea to refuse it. _Who knows what he may do… He may dress me as a reindeer for the rest of the night and make me serve food._

“Does this have alcohol…?” Marco asked dumbly, throwing a weird look to the house owner.

“No!” he answered, apparently shocked with the question. However, after a few seconds, he started to laugh and gave him a suspicious wink. “Why? Do you want some? Basti said that we should wait a while before serving alcohol, but if you want some I can easily get you rum or something like that”.

The two men then started to discuss beverages, and Christoph found himself stuck with Mario, who was still narrating every single possible detail about his perfect plans for New Year’s Eve. He wasn’t listening at all; actually, he was too busy searching for a specific face in the room. _He’s still not here. Where is he?_ Suddenly, a blond child ran between his legs, almost making him fall. He ended up pouring the mug’s content in his clothes. _Awesome._

“You should go clean this before it leaves a stain” Mumbled Mario between a laughter and another.

“Hmm yeah, probably.” He muttered, secretly feeling a little better with the idea of having an excuse to leave Mario alone. _I didn’t remember he was this annoying._ “I’ll be right back”

While he was heading to the closest bathroom, Christoph started to look around the house once again, still looking for familiar faces. It was impressive the huge amount of people Basti and Lukas had invited. The house was almost full, but there were more and more people yet to come. _And still Basti just invited me because he felt bad for me._ The feeling of uselessness started once again to run through his skin, penetrating through his pores and reaching for his blood, contaminating every single cell of his body. _What am I even doing here? I won’t have any fun at all. I should be at home… I should be far away… There is nothing for me here._

He entered the sumptuous bathroom and headed directly to the marble sink, where he started, without even noticing, to wash his hands. Only when he looked in the mirror he realized he wasn’t alone; there was a tall man standing beside him, doing the exact same thing. He was wearing a beautiful black coat, expensive shoes and a fine scarf, but had a strange humble look in his face. The man was almost bald, but there were some tuffs of blonde hair over his head. He had a weird mustache and beautiful eyes. When the man perceived he was looking, he smiled.

“It’s a beautiful sweater, the one you’re wearing.” He said with a gentle and soft voice. Christoph had absolutely no idea who he was, but that guy seemed to be really nice. _Perhaps I can befriend him. Perhaps he can save me from the boredom of this party._ He shied with those weird thoughts. _Where did this idea came from?_

“Oh, thanks” He was wearing a green sweater with a happy snowman, a gift from his grandmother. _I didn’t even notice I put this thing when I woke up this morning._ The place where the snowman’s face should be was covered with a brown stain that looked just as vomit.

“You should clean that before it’s too late.” The bald man said still with a smile, pointing at the stain.

“Yeah, I know that.”

Suddenly, the man looked like he just realized something important.

“Oh, I think I don’t know you?” It wasn’t actually a question. Christoph started to notice that, indeed, he had never seen that man before. _Well, I don’t know most of the guests anyway._ The bald man dried his hands on an expensive towel and stretched one of them in his direction. “I’m Benedikt, but almost everyone calls me Benni. And you are…?”

 _Benedikt. But almost everyone calls him Benni._ His smile vacillated a bit as he was still waiting for Christoph to shake his stretched hand and tell him his name. But he couldn’t. He just stood there, glaring at him with an excruciating pain in his heart. That was Benni. That was Manu’s new lover. _I wonder if he’ll know who I am if I fell him his name. No. He probably won’t. Manu wouldn’t tell him about me._ Benedikt was still waiting for him to show a little bit of politesse, but Christoph felt as if he was frozen. _This is Benni._ He didn’t know what to do, what to feel. He wanted to hate him, yes, he knew he wanted. But he just couldn’t. Benni was beautiful. Benni was sympathetic. Benni really seemed like a cool guy. _I can see why Manu would fall in love with him._ Fall in love. Was Manu already in love with Benedikt? Or he was just using him to forget about what they had? _No. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that because he doesn’t need help to forget about me._

The bathroom’s door was opened out of sudden, and both men turned their faces to stare at the third man who was entering the room.

“Benni! Gosh, why are you talking so long to…” Manu’s voice died when he moved his eyes from his lover to his ex-lover. When those cold blue eyes spotted him, Christoph could swear he felt time stopping. The butterflies in his stomach exploded, his throat suddenly felt as dry as the Saara desert, his hands started to shake and his heart started to run a marathon. _Manu. It’s him._ While he was almost drowning in his emotions, he saw a strange look or recognition passing through the other’s eyes right before Manu drove them away from him and started to look at his current lover.

“No need to worry babe, I was just talking to his lad here… And… It looks like you two know each other…?” Christoph barely perceived that Benni has said something. Manu was looking at him with a lost expression in his eyes. He clearly didn’t know what to do. He didn’t answer anything to his boyfriend, and Christoph started to feel an uncontrollable need to breathe. _He saw me. He looked right through me. But he didn’t say a thing._ He started to feel like his heart was breaking again, like it had already done several times before. Manu was still firmly looking away.

“No. We don’t” He heard his voice saying, he felt his lips forming those words. But he didn’t realize he said them. Without taking time to wait for Manu’s reaction, he walked towards the door, going through it and almost touching Manu with his body in the process. He then left the bathroom leaving the two man behind, one of them clearly confused, and the other one… Hurt? Shocked? Relieved? _Who cares? Who cares about what he felt?_ It didn’t matter at all. Anyone who saw the way Manu looked at him would be able to understand everything. _He really did forget me. He still remembers me, but… He forgot me._ Feeling that those thoughts made sense only to him, Christoph disappeared again in the middle of the crowd, looking for a place to hide.

*** 

_“I wrapped it up and sent it_

_With a note saying “I love you”_

_I meant it_

_Now I know what a fool I’ve been_

_But if you kissed me now_

_I know you’d fool me again”_

“Sorry about this situation Chris… But I thought you were already over him.” Bastian said as he was baking more and more cookies to fill his guest’s bellies. He had a genuinely concerned look on his face, and he wasn’t talking in a demanding way. They were the only living souls inside the kitchen, mostly because Basti didn’t allow anyone near him while he was doing his magical cooking. Christoph was an exception.

“I thought I was” He lied “But when I saw him again… It’s like everything just hit me, you know? Everything he did, everything he said…”

Basti stopped baking to gently pat his friend’s shoulder.

“Look… I know that what Manu did was… _Bad._ But it’s Christmas and…” Christoph stopped listening, since he knew what his friend was going to say next. _Some bullshit about forgiveness. I don’t want to forgive him. I want to slap him. I want to kiss him._ He sighed deeply. _I don’t know what I want._

“He looked really happy, you know. Well, now that he’s dating Mr. Benedikt-fancy-clothes and not the weirdo from the cafeteria, I guess he can allow himself be happy.” Christoph said with his voice fulfilled with bitterness, knowing that absolutely nothing of that was true. Manu didn’t look happy. He looked actually kind of… Hurt. _Will he play the victim now? I am the one who should be feeling hurt, not him._ “I just, I don’t understand him, Basti. I saw him walking around a few weeks ago and he just turned his face away from me! After everything we had he just… He acted like he didn’t even know who I am!”

 _Everything we had._ What did they even have? Could he call that a “relationship”? Or it was just something that he had imagined? He wasn’t sure anymore. _Did he really feel something for me or it was just imagination?_

“You need to stop thinking about it, Chris” Basti said as if that was the simplest thing ever. “Perhaps you should go out… Dance a little… Drink a little… Meet someone new…”

 _Always the same stupid advices._ When would Basti understand that he didn’t want anyone new? That he didn’t _need_ anyone new? He wanted Manu. He felt that he would only be happy with him. _Oh Chris, you felt the same way about that guy you had a crush on high school, remember? Then you met Manu and you forgot him,_ Basti told him once. _It’s different_ , he said to himself, not sure if he really did believe that.

“I don’t want to meet anyone. I don’t want to… Fall in love again.” He mumbled, aware that, once again, he was lying to himself. He always tried to hide from the other the strange need he felt of loving someone, of _being loved_ by someone _. Why can’t I be happy? Why can’t I find myself a Mr. Benedikt-fancy-clothes?_

He raised his head to look at the kitchen’s door when he heard it being opened, afraid that it could be Manu again. Much to his relief, it was Mario’s best friend, André Schürrle, following a small child that he recognized right away. _It’s the kid that almost made me fell._ He glanced at his stained sweater, quietly cursing Manu for making him forget to clean it.

“Eep eep! No one is allowed in the kitchen besides the Chief and his assistant!” Basti said funnily, pointing to the door and trying to make a serious expression. André raised one of his eyebrows at him and then threw a cold glance at Christoph, as if we was saying _That thing is the cook’s assistant?_

“I just need to find alcohol. This kid is driving me insane.” He said with a tired voice.

Basti grinned.

“So Fips put you on charge of watching over little Julian tonight, ha?” He said with a bright smile in his face, and André looked at him like he wanted to throw something at his head. “I told him he could leave him with Louis, but I think he remember too well what happened the last time those two played together. Oh and I guess Louis is too old for this now…”

“Yeah, whatever” André walked towards the fridge and opened it, ignoring Basti’s protests. “Is there any bottle of vodka in this house? I really need to get drunk. I was dumped two days ago and I need something to make me forget it. And none of the other guests is interesting, so I’ll have to appeal to alcohol.”

While Basti was trying to get rid of André’s presence in the kitchen, Christoph started to pay attention to the kid, Julian, who was happily playing with what looked like a toy dinosaur. Every once in a while he mumbled little _Grrrs_ and _Rawrs_ while he shoved the toy against the table, the floor and anything that was close enough. _How old is he? Who let a child this small run through a crowded house?_ However, Chris couldn’t control himself and grinned a little bit, feeling something weird in his chest. Something weird and warm. _I don’t like children. I don’t know how to interact with children. Why am I smiling at a child? Jesus Christ._

“Jule, uncle André is leaving and he just told me he’s gonna find you even _more_ dinosaurs! Why don’t you follow him?” He heard Basti saying. He was now not so gently pushing André away of the kitchen. The little one exclaimed something and ran away, following his caretaker. After the house owner closed the door, he let got a sigh of relief. “That little devil is Julian. His father is a good friend of mine, Philipp, I think you don’t know him… He was living away with his wife but they split a few months ago and he moved back here. She was cheating on him with the personal trainer or something like that. I invited him to see if I can like cheer him up or… HEY! You should talk to him. I mean, you’re both feeling sad… You’re both single… Perhaps…”

“Not gonna happen.” He quickly answered. _I don’t want anyone Bastian, when will you understand this?_ Plus, the fastest way to make him lose interest in anyone was to say _You should talk to him._

Basti looked a little bit disappointed, but not surprised at all.

“Well, I tried... And I hate to interrupt our conversation, but I need to finish these cookies, so, if you’re not willing to be my assistant…” He smiled coldly and pointed to the door. “GET OUT.”

*** 

_“A crowded room, friends with tired eyes_

_I’m hiding from you and your soul of ice_

_My God, I thought you were someone to rely on_

_Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on…”_

 

He found himself sitting on the couch next to a giant Christmas tree overly decorated and full of lights. The other guests were all chatting, drinking, eating snacks and dancing to stupid Christmas songs, everyone looking happy and excited for the holidays. Every now and then, two strangers found themselves under a mistletoe and exchanged a brief kiss followed by lots of laughter. Everyone was having a blast. _Everyone but me._

Or at least, that’s what he thought. If he would examine the stranger’ faces carefully, he would see how tired they were of all that. Of pretending to be really happy, of faking perfect relationships and perfect lives. _Liars. All of them._

“Hey Chris. Thinking about life?” Said a tired voice coming from the crowd and, a few instants later, Thomas Müller appeared out of nowhere. He sat beside him with a half smile in his mouth and an exhausted look on his eyes. He didn’t look anything like the Thomas he remembered, though. He wasn’t smiling brightly, talking loudly or making lame jokes.

“Kind of” He managed to answer, letting go a sad sigh. _I want to go home._

“May I ask you what’s wrong? You look terrible.”

“So do you”

They fell on an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, staring at the random strangers dancing and talking all around. In the middle of the crowd, Chris spotted Lukas, still dressed as a reindeer, talking to André Schürrle. _Perhaps André decided to ask him for alcohol instead of Basti._ He also spotted Mario and Marco, now talking with someone he identified as Lukas’ best friend, Per Mertesacker. Per looked like he wanted to throw up or to dig a deep hole and hide himself inside of it, what made Christoph believe that Mario was talking about his New Year’s Eve plans with him. _Poor guy._ He then noticed that Thomas was still beside him, and only now he realized that Thomas was alone.

“Where’s Miro?” He asked timidly, not sure if he wanted to have a conversation with anyone. _It’s better than just sit here quietly until the party is over, I guess._

Thomas breathed deeply and Chris noted a slightly sad look on his eyes.

“I don’t know” He said with his voice uncommonly low “We… We kind of had a fight and… Well, I don’t know.”

“Oh” _Fine, another guy with a broken heart. This party rocks._ “But what... What happened…?”

“Nothing. I mean, it’s just that… Miro sometimes is too… Controlling. He’s always thinking that I might cheat on him or something like that and I’m always like what? It’s nonsense”

“Relationships suck, man” He said without even realizing. Thomas turned his face to stare at him for a few moments before starting to talk again.

“What do you think I should do? I don’t want to break up with him, but I can’t bear this, you know? I just, ugh… I don’t know what to do”

“I don’t know, Thomas” _Why is everyone always looking for me for advice? I can’t even get my shit together how am I supposed to help anyone with their relationships?_ He wanted to tell Thomas to get lost, go seek help from Basti or someone with a stable relationship. But, as usual, he didn’t. He was too nice. “Miro has to learn to trust you… I don’t know how one does that, but well… You two should talk about it.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right”

Thomas probably said something else, but he didn’t pay attention too. He suddenly spotted Manu in the middle of the crowd, and the taller one saw him back. Their eyes were connected for a few seconds, and once again Christoph saw signs of recognition and regret on them. _You can go fuck yourself, Manuel Neuer,_ he wanted to scream. _Are you following me now?_ For the last year, Manu disappeared from the cafeteria, but, every once in a while, Christoph spotted him again walking around the streets of Munich, always alone, always staring at the floor, always looking broken and helpless. _When did he find Benni? Was Benni the guy the used to love? Did Benni help him forget that guy?_

“I gotta go” He mumbled, not sure if Thomas had listened or not. He then got up and perceived that Manu was still staring at him. _You can go fuck yourself._ Walking quickly, Christoph once again got lost between the crowd, looking for a place in that damn house where he could disappear, where Manu couldn’t find him. _Why did I accept that fucking invitation? I should have stayed at home._

***

_“A face on a lover with a fire in his heart_

_A man undercover but you tore me apart…_

_Now I’ve found a real love_

_You’ll never fool me again!”_

It’s been almost three years since he moved to Munich, and Basti was the closest thing he had to a friend. He could have met a few more interesting people if he was fonder to social environments such as parties, like that one. But he preferred to stay at home all alone, listening to his favorite records, reading a good book… His friends from his hometown used to tell him that he should spent less time hiding himself from everyone. _You’ll never find a boyfriend if you don’t get out of your house sometimes, you know?_ He would never admit it, but deep inside he always knew they were right. _But what can I do…? It’s just who I am._

He met Manu by accident, he could say. It was that old cliché: the handsome customer who went three times a week to the cafeteria where he worked. He spent almost two entire months staring at him at the distance until he finally found the guts go and talk to him. Manu was absolutely different from what he was expecting: he thought he was cold and distant, Manu proved to be warm and welcoming; he thought he was an unbearable know-it-all, Manu proved to be humble; he thought he was too serious, Manu proved to be funny. Max, one of is coworkers and almost a friend of his, told him that the two of them looked perfect for each other. _It’s like you’re soul mates or something like that. You guys should get married someday._ Their friendship developed pretty fast and soon enough they were like best friends. They could talk about anything for hours and hours, they would laugh at the same stupid jokes, they had the same habits. Everything was perfect.

It took Christoph another long four months to finally tell Manu what he really felt, despite it being practically obvious to anyone. Christoph remembered that day very well. It was last years’ Christmas Eve. He would never forget the look on Manu’s face when he said the most difficult thing he has said to anyone ever: _I like you. I really do._ And then everything fell apart. _I’m sorry Chris but… I can’t commit to a relationship now… There’s this guy, I used to date him… I think I still love him. I’m sorry, I can’t._

 _Then why didn’t you tell me?_ He though, feeling his heart bleeding out. _Why you made me believe you felt for me what I felt for you?_

Basti, Max and his hometown friends tried to introduce him to new guys. Some of them were lame, some of them were too perfect. There was that one, he couldn’t remember his name, but he was charming, interesting, funny, smart… _You should give him a chance_ , Max told him. _You have to forget Manu and he may help you with that._ But how could he? He didn’t felt anything for that stranger. He didn’t felt _the spark._ How could he start dating that guy just to use him as a tool to get rid of Manu? _That’s what Manu did to me. He used me to try to forget a guy he once loved… But when he found out he couldn’t, he threw me away like garbage._

He was sitting in a hidden spot in Louis’ bedroom, which was empty. Louis had probably escaped at some point and was running downstairs between the guests, probably playing with his reindeer father. He could almost feel the first tears being born in his eyes, but he fought to hold them. _I won’t cry. I can’t keep on crying for him._ He heard a low noise and noticed the door was open. A few seconds later, Julian appeared in front of him, holding a triceratops with a chewed head and what looked like a stegosaurus. _So André really did find another dinosaur for you, Julian._ He smiled timidly at the child, feeling that he could no longer hold his tears.

Julian stood still in front of him for a while, and then just threw the stegosaurus at his feet. Confused, Christoph took it and starting to examine the toy.

“Is it… For me?” He gently asked. _What does he want with me? Where is his father? Jesus Christ, go away! I’m not a fun person to be around._ Julian agreed with a nod and sat in front of him, still holding the triceratops. “Oh… Thank you.”

The kid then pointed to him first and then to his own dinosaur, and produced a weird noise that Christoph understood as a _Grawr!_

“Oh, oh, I get it… You want to play with me, right?” Julian once again nodded. _Why doesn’t this child just say something? How old is he? Jesus Christ I’m terrible with children, why is he even here?_ Christoph, however, agreed with the game, and soon enough he and Julian had engaged in what looked like a dinosaur fight. Julian’s triceratops, despite its chewed head, would always win, f course, but his stegosaurus turned out to be a powerful foe.

He wasn’t sure how many time they spent with that. It could have been a few minutes, it could have been hours. After a while, Julian started to acknowledge that, sometimes, Christoph’s stegosaurus was strong enough to win some battles. After a while, he realized he was indeed having fun, and started to laugh with the toddler. _Maybe I’m not that bad with children, after all?_

“Oh I finally found you!” Said a calm voice coming from the door, and a short man entered the room, with a relieved expression on his face. “I was looking for you like crazy. It looks like you finally managed to escape from André, didn’t you?”

Julian got up and ran towards the stranger, who took him and held him in his arms, sitting the toddler over his shoulders. Christoph slowly got up, slightly embarrassed.

“Hm I was hm sitting here and he… He just entered and we started to hm… Play” He pointed to the stegosaurus in his hand and then gave it to Julian, who took it and started to chew its head.

“Really? Oh, poor you. How many times did he beat you? That triceratops is invincible, I tell you.”

“Oh I actually managed to win a battle or two…”

“You did?” The man looked really astonished, as if he had just seen a ghost. He then looked to the child and smiled at him. “You let this guy win? Oh that’s a first!”

He then stared back at him, still smiling, and then Christoph realized who that man probably was. _He don’t look sad, though_ , he thought. Julian was now making both of his dinosaurs fight on the top of his father’s head, but the man did absolutely nothing to stop him. Still feeling strange waves of embarrassment running through his veins, Christoph stretched his hands towards the other man, feeling his cheeks getting red.

“Oh, by the way… I’m Christoph. Basti’s friend.” He mumbled. _I sound like an idiot. Why am I even this nervous? Oh, probably because he just caught me playing dinosaur fight with his son._

“So we have that in common! Nice to meet you Christoph, I’m Philipp.” He answered, shaking his hand. Christoph felt a smile forming in his face and something weird moving inside his stomach. Something warm. Other than that, he also felt another thing. A very special thing.

A spark.

**Author's Note:**

> I intended this to be a Neumer angst with lots of feels and smthg like that, but somehow it turned out to be a Kramer/Lahm kind-of-flully thing, so I'm not sure what to feel about it lol (I'm also not sure how this pairing happened, but now that it's done I may start to ship them. Jesus take the wheel). 
> 
> Comments are always welcome, and so are critiques, praises... I hope you guys enjoyed it, tho. 
> 
> Oh and Merry Christmas for you all! :)


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